Some thoughts on past friendships

I haven't posted in forever but tonight I have some things on my mind so I'm back!

I think that different people come into your life at different times for different reasons. Most of the time, the relationship will fade with time. Maybe you'll have a falling out. Or, maybe you'll just find yourself at a crossroads and heading in separate directions which is totally OK. It sucks, but you realize that the person was in your life for only a season, and probably for some very important reason, but that time is up, and you both will move on. The memories you made will stick with you forever. Sometimes people will have such an impact on your life that you can point back to a time when you experienced a pivotal life moment because of that person--for better or for worse. Sometimes the moving on is gradual and sometimes it's sudden. Sometimes you are ready to move onto to newer things without that person and sometimes you strive to hold onto it, try to force the separation not to happen, attempt to redefine the relationship into something that works for both parties in hopes that you can salvage something of the relationship but wind up grieving because you realized that things have changed, they've moved on, or maybe you have, and you just know that things will never be the same again.

Maybe I've reached a point where I'm just rambling, but this makes all too much sense in my mind and hopefully I'm not the only person who has ever experienced this.

My first experiences with this that I can recall was beginning high school. My classmates and I were really close in middle school and I just knew that when we merged with 2 other schools in high school that we would stick together. In the beginning some of us really tried but we were in a new place and had different class schedules for the first time. We all began to find ourselves, which led us in all different directions. I wished things could stay the same but I knew they couldn't. It was for the best, too. I met some new people and made some new friends too. A couple of these friends are now my true soul mate bffs--we keep in touch as much as possible and remain a large part of each others' lives.

Graduating from high school was my next "crossroad" experience. I knew I would miss some of my friends but I was moreso excited about my future endeavors. It was time for me to branch out, meet new people and learn even more about myself--create myself even.

Some great things happened in college and, after a rough awkward start, making friends became easier than ever. I think maybe because in college you realize you only have four years, and you become much more OK with expanding your horizons and making friends with people who are completely different from you. It's a major part of the college learning experience, or at least it should be. I truly felt in college that the friends I was making would be my true bffs--emphasis on the second f (the forever). This expectation made the weeks after graduation extremely difficult. Several of my friends were engaged and got married the summer after graduation and most of them moved away. We all started our careers or went on to graduate school or whatever. The point is we all scattered across the country and began our next phase of life--our first adult phase, which is completely different from college life. It was no longer "cool" to be poor; wear bluejeans, tees and rainbows everyday. I couldn't rely so heavily on leaving home with wet hair, a hat or a ponytail. I no longer lived within 2 miles of every one of my best friends. I couldn't stay up late doing random things like late night waffle house runs, movie marathons, game nights or intramurals. I really struggled in the beginning of this new phase of life, but with some time, I realized that it's just another part of growing up, and eventually I got used to the post-college life.

But besides these obvious turning points in life (middle school, high school and college graduations), some relationships fail for no reason and with no warning at all sometimes. There is no huge life event to signal a change or even merit one. Sometimes it just happens and it sucks. But perhaps what sucks more is when you realize that you are just over it. You're done. You no longer care that the relationship ran its course and the greatness you had will no longer exist ever again with that person. You realize that you don't care anymore because the truth is it hurts too much to allow yourself to care. That person didn't return the efforts to salvage any small part of the relationship. You wonder if they ever think of you, the good times you had, what you may be up to now. If they do, they have not shown it for whatever reason, and that just hurts too much to realize. So you give up too and you try not to think on the memories and you cut off all communication because you know that things will never be the same again. And that is when it really sucks the most--when you realize you just don't care anymore that you've moved on and they've moved on because that's when you know you've closed your heart off to the possibility of that relationship ever reforming. You play nice when you see them out in public but you really just wish you hadn't seen them at all. It sucks the most because you've given up on someone who used to be so important to you.

And it's times like I'm in right now when the reality of what you've done because of what they've done hits you that you are happy that they've moved on and are happy, and you are happy that you have moved on and are happy, but you hate how much they've hurt you without meaning to and without even knowing it. You get that thought in your head to send them an email or call them up, but you know it your heart that it's better to keep moving forward because if they don't reach back when you reach out again, it's just a reminder that you can never go back, and then it just hurts again. You get frustrated and angry at yourself and at the other person when neither party really did anything wrong.

Is there a solution to this problem? Am I just struggling with forward motion? Does anyone else ever feel this way? Do I chalk it all up to "that's life" and everyone goes though this? All I know is it sucks either way--the caring about it and the apathy about it.

I have Peter Pan syndrome

Last month my 2 high school friends went to their junior prom.

They were beautiful;
they looked all grown up;
I realized how grown up they really are;
I cried.

I met Brittany and Ashley six years ago. They were 11 years old. They weren't even in youth group yet when I joined the Antioch gang. I knew them a little bit though. They were just little girls when I met them.

Finally they were old enough to join the youth group. I remember the first year they went to camp with us. Ashley had never been away from her parents before and I was their chaperon in Georgia. I can't go into the details, but we really bonded on that trip in our own special ways.

I watched them grow, go through middle school, enter high school, turn 16, get their driver's license, start driving and going on dates. Finally their prom day was upon us and they invited me to come see them off. It was official. They were grown up.

They were running a little behind so they were off before I could even get my picture made with them. I knew I would regret letting this moment pass by without getting a picture with my girls on the most important night of their life thus far. When Ashley's parents dropped me back off at my car, I took off to the restaurant to meet up with the girls. I got to talk with them a little more and get some pictures until I knew I had to leave. It was their night. I couldn't go to prom with them, and besides, I had to go to work. It was official--I was an old lady.



It seemed like just yesterday that I was going to prom until I realized that was 6 and 7 years ago. I was their age when I met them. How did they grow up yet I hadn't aged a day??? I texted my prom date who also knows the girls. I said to Justin, "Our little girls are going to prom tonight." He replied, "...I feel old." For the record, he's older than I am ;) But, I, too, felt old. I fought back tears the entire drive to work. I knew things would never be the same again. C'est la vie.

Of course, I realize if it was this hard for me to send my friends to prom, I can't imagine how I will deal when it's my own children going to prom someday. I guess I have two decades or so to prepare myself for that moment. Hopefully they'll still be prescribing xanax then.

Anyway, I hate dealing with the fact that I'm growing up and the world around me is constantly growing and changing. Lord, meet me where I am and help me deal with the changes going on all around me. As I continue to grow and move forward, guide my steps, dear Jesus.

Bald can be sexy, men

My coworker has been giving me a hard time the last couple of weeks because I revealed to him that I'm attracted to bald men. His response was, "No guy wants to hear that!" Men should be relieved to hear a woman say that, in my opinion.

I think maybe my realization of this attraction started with Howie Mandell. He rocks the bald top! Plus, his soul patch is amazing! I've never dated a bald guy but I do find them attractive. Perhaps it's because bald denotes that a man is slightly older, mature, experienced.

The truth is the comb over is awful. Men, baldness happens. How you deal with it is most important. We all know men who won't shave their heads because they want to keep whatever hair they have. They may have an awkward bald spot in the middle of the back, a major receding hairline or--the worst--the horseshoe hair (hair only on the sides and back with total baldness on top). None of these hairstyles look good at all. But, if you'll just shave off what little you have, you could look really good. Plus, hanging on to that little bit really just shows your insecurity about it. Embrace who you are, accept the hair loss and just let it go!

Perhaps my attraction is an odd one and maybe it reveals that I have some serious issues, but I invite all men everywhere to find solace and encouragement by my attraction. Trust me, I'm not the only woman who is into baldness. Although no one else is willing to admit it, total baldness definitely looks better than working the comb over. And I think we can all agree that bald is much better than trying to sport a toupee!

Release your insecurities, fellas! Bald can be beautiful!

Thoughts on the Octo-Mom

It seems that everyone has an opinion about the octo-mom, and most of those opinions are negative. One opinion I have yet to hear anyone mention is the fact that regardless of what you think of the mother, those eight babies were created by God and He has placed special purposes within each of them. Whether or not it is ethical that a doctor would implant so many embryos, regardless of the low statistics that all of those embryos would survive, the point is that those eight babies are human beings. Their lives are worth something. God allowed the process to work out, and those eight babies, along with their brothers and sisters at home, are all gifts from God and He has planned for their life to make this start from the beginning of time and their futures are in His hands.

I'm still overthinking

Holy smokes! I haven't blogged since October! I'm still overthinking though even though I'm not posting it on here! So much has been going on in my life. Since my last blog:

-I finished a semester of school;
-Enjoyed a month off for Christmas break;
-Started my last semester of grad school;
-Learned to speak, read and comprehend Middle English;
-Began an educational research project about the effectiveness of technology in the classroom;
-Worked, worked, worked at the newspaper to complete my typical work week as well as one magazine and four special sessions;
-Learned to single space between sentences;
-Visited the beach;
-Visited Greenville, SC;
-Took my Papa to (hopefully his last) 4 chemo treatments, as well as to the hospital for several bags of blood and platelets
-Had a stalker-filled Valentine's Day;
-Spent some quality time with family & friends;
-Realized that some people from my past choose not to be a part of my present and therefore probably won't be a part of my future;
-Went to a Southern Writers' Symposium which was very academic;
-Got the rest of my debt to Campbell paid off forever!!!

These are the highlights I could remember at this late hour. I anticipate the next few months being very full but hopefully I will blog more frequently than I have been over the past three months!

Oh, Taylor Swift

When Taylor Swift first sang to me through my radio, I loved her. That "Tim McGraw" song actually makes me recall a few LBD (little black dress) moments in my life. I only liked her more when I found out her age and the fact that she plays guitar and writes (or at least co-writes) her own songs. I went out and bought the CD and was very impressed with most of the other songs on it as well.

When I saw her first video on TV, I realized how beautiful the girl is. She got to play dress up and look really pretty in her video.

Some other songs on her CD make me wonder how a girl so young could have already experienced so much intense boy drama. I mean, I can relate to songs like "Picture to Burn" and "Should've Said No" but I'm surprised that she has before age 18.



Then I saw her perform "Should've Said No" on some music award show, which she chose to also use as her video for the song. It was absolutely ridiculous. If you haven't seen it, you should. You will lose a little bit of respect for her. At the end, she is on-stage in a LBD singing under artificial stage-hand created rainfall. She is singing while getting soaked.

I thought that the video for "Picture To Burn" was awesome though!

Also, when I have heard her sing live, her voice isn't so great. Anyone can sound good if edited enough in a studio. Hearing her live makes me really question her singing ability.

Even though I do really like most of her songs, my highly musical friend, Sarah Riley, pointed out to me how juvenile some of her lyrics are. An example is in "Teardrops on My Guitar." One lyric says "wishin' on a wishin' star." Well, first of all, that line is redundant. Why not say "shooting star" instead?

Her first hit on her next CD is called "Love Story." I must admit that I do like the song. It has a good beat and a good sound that kind of infects me and makes me tap my foot and sing out loud. However, the girl has clearly never read Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. Apparently she's been living under a rock for her entire life and she's never even heard of the general plot or seen one of the movie versions.

Nevertheless, I do intend to buy her next CD when it comes out and I expect it to be pretty good. I suppose her publicists have done a great job because they have my attention and I'm buying in spite of her obvious shortcomings.

Feel Your Boobies

I'm already known around town as "The Cell Phone Girl" (long story) and "Always the Bridesmaid," but I fear that after today I will have a new title--the "Feel Your Boobies Girl." Okay, calm down. It's not as bad as it seems.

My editor put me and a co-worker in charge of "Breast Cancer Awareness" stories to run each Saturday this month. I made mention of the "feel your boobies" campaign that is growing in popularity now. I love how the story turned out! (Even though I probably blushed a couple of times while writing it and I may have a new male readership fan base). Never the less, the message needs to be said. Read my story (below) or read it on our website and then ladies, feel your boobies!




Breast self-exams ‘vital’ for women in teens to 30s
By Amy Kelly
Published: Saturday, October 25, 2008

One of the newest breast cancer campaigns encourages women to “feel your boobies.” The campaign is not trying to encourage promiscuity; it is trying to promote breast self-exams for women because early detection is the best way to overcome breast cancer.

Although the campaign’s message is important for women of all ages, it is especially vital for women in their teens, 20s and 30s — the years before mammograms are generally performed.

Carolyn Bass, mammography technologist with Sampson Regional Medical Center, said that monthly self exams are really the best way for women under age 40 to detect breast health problems. Although mammograms can be done on younger women, there are no state or federal regulations for mammograms for women in their teens, 20s and early 30s, Bass noted. Self exams and clinical breast exams — exams performed by a health professional — are important when done regularly because any physical changes in the breast can be an early sign of a problem, Bass commented, and “your chances and prognosis is better the earlier a problem is detected.”

According to the American Cancer Society (ACS), only five percent of all breast cancer cases occur in women under 40 years old; however, there are more than 250,000 women who were diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 40 or under living in the U.S,. and every year more than 11,100 more are diagnosed. Therefore, women in their teens, 20s and 30s should have a clinical breast exam as part of a regular health exam. In addition to annual physicals and clinical breast exams, ACS recommends self exams monthly. Women should review their breast self exam technique with a health professional during their physical exam.

The Young Survival Coalition focuses on breast cancer concerns for women under age 40. The coalition encourages women to “become familiar with their breasts: their shape, size and what they feel like. Learn what is normal for you.” Any changes such as swelling, irritation, nipple retraction, rash, unusual pain, redness or scaliness, or spontaneous discharge from the nipple should be immediately reported to a doctor. The theory goes, when you know what is normal, it will be much easier to notice abnormalities.

ACS research finds that some women feel most comfortable doing a breast self exam by following a systematic step-by-step approach, looking at and feeling one’s breasts. Other women have difficulty with the step-by-step approach and prefer to just check while showering or getting dressed. Here is where the “feel your boobies” campaign comes in.

According to the campaign’s website, www.feelyourboobies.com, “research shows that ‘feeling your boobies’ is just as effective at identifying changes or lumps as doing a formal self breast exam.” The campaign wants to empower women to take charge of their breast health and not to be ashamed. The website states, “Why Feel Your Boobies®? Because you do it everyday anyway, right? Oh come on…sure you do! You take a shower, you feel your boobies. You get dressed, you feel your boobies. Since you know your body better than anyone else does, why not just take a little extra time to really ‘feel your boobies.’ Give those ‘girls’ the attention they deserve. After all, getting in the habit of knowing what’s normal for you increases the chance of noticing changes in your breasts if they occur. If a change does occur it’s important to tell a doctor or clinician immediately so they can determine if more tests are necessary.”

As research continues, hopefully the cause of breast cancer will be discovered which will lead to new means of detection and treatment. Until then, women, do self exams and “feel your boobies” for it may save your life.